Mother Hoodwink

Overheard

Gavin: Oh no! I have a boo-boo!

Josh: That's an old boo-boo.

Gavin: Need a band-aid?

Josh: No, you have a scab. It's like a natural band-aid. Fibroids and dried blood platelets worked together to make a scab so you would stop bleeding. Isn't the body awesome?

Gavin: Is my bum-bum awesome?

Josh: Uh... yeah.

He can't help it, he's American.

Yesterday we finally had some time to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics that I had DVRed. There was one part where there were children singing in Greek.

Josh: Singing in a dead language.

Me: Dude. Greek isn't dead. You're thinking of Latin.

Josh: Eh, it's all Greek to me.

Overheard

Gavin pacing around the house with my old cell phone I gave him:

Hello?
Hi!
Oh nothing.
What doing, guys?
Are you serious?
Ohhh kay.
Dis Gah-in.
*Raucous laughter*
That's funny!
Exactly!
I love ooh.
Ok, bye.

He then slams his cell shut and goes about his business.

He's actually pretty masculine. I swear.

The other night I was watching a rerun of Sex and the City. In the scene Carrie is eating an olive from her martini.

Dim (looking up from his laptop.): Wait, what is she drinking?

Me: A martini.

Dim: I thought they only drank Cosmopolitans.

Me: Why do you know that?

He sheepishly mumbles something about hearing the TV while he's doing other things before he returns his gaze to his laptop.

I love him. I do.

Every night before Dim and I fall asleep he acts like the good husband he is and gives me a little massage.

Dim: It's so weird how much your hips have turned out since you've been pregnant.

Me: You can feel that?

Dim: Yeah, it's cool. It's like you're a DeLorean.

Isn't he sweet?

And he's going to nursing school...

Me: So this woman had four embryos implanted but only two stuck. But both of those embryos divided and turned into identical twins. Crazy, huh?

Dim: Wow. So she had identical and platonic twins?

Me: ...

(He meant fraternal although I do hope those babies stay platonic among each other.)

Overheard this morning:

"You're in time out for one minute for not listening."

*Whining and more whining*

"Yeah, I know. It sucks."

In a very tiny voice: "It suck."

I can thank Dim for that one.

Edited:

About an hour after writing the above, I received a package from my mom.

"Look, Boomba, Grandma sent us some Poppycock!"

"Ahhhhh..... COCK!"

Oops.

No really, it's what he wants.

A phone conversation with my mom:

Mom: So what does Boomba want for Christmas?

Me: Hold on, let me ask him..... Yeah, he keeps just saying, "Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" 

Uh, thanks.

A few days ago Dim dropped off his MacBook at the Apple store for a repair. (Actually the hinges on it were squeaky and because little things like that drive him crazy, he had to have it fixed.) When they were finished fixing it, they said they would mail it to our house. Well, yesterday Dim got it back. We were on the way out the door when the FedEx guy came so he opened up the package while we were sitting in the car.

"Eww, this smells like it's been in someone's house. It smells all perfumey and shit. Gross."

He looks over to me where I have both of my arms up tying my hair back.

"Oh, it's your deodorant I'm smelling. You, smell lovely."

Just know Dim is king of sarcasm.

Me: I had this dream that you went out with a couple of friends to a sports bar and Harry Connick Jr was there and you got all kind of pictures with him and hung out with him. I was all pissed though because you didn't even call me to come up and meet him.

Dim: I probably wouldn't call you. You would try to kiss him.

Me: What?! I can control myself.

Dim: Please. It's Harry Connick Jr. I would try to kiss him. Try to give him a Rusty Trombone right there.

I'm guessing this is the reason I wasn't so shocked by The Shocker in Sunshine's post about it. I'm married to a sailor. I know things that most women my age probably don't.