"Just Breathe" is the mantra of the day.

My neighbors suck. I've mentioned them many, many times before.

Early this morning Josh went out to the car and saw that Gavin's toy lawnmower, which usually lives on our front porch, was in the middle of our driveway. Weird. We figured one of the many rotten kids who live on our street played with it and forgot to clean up the evidence.

A couple of hours later, I heard scuffling on our front porch. When I walked out the door, I saw a little boy playing with the famous toy lawnmower. I used my stern teacher voice (every mom has one) and told him he is not to take anything off our porch since it doesn't belong to him. If he wants to play with something of ours, he needs to ask. I understand most people wouldn't really care if another kid plays with their kid's stuff, but this happens constantly and it's annoying for my son to play with his own toys that other children have damaged.

I told the little boy and the little girl that live right next to us to not come on our front porch again. I hoped that would be the end of it and the children wouldn't run to their parents and say I yelled at them. I had a feeling it would happen.

About thirty minutes later, the doorbell rang. Fuck, now I have to deal with this shit. Josh answers the door (he has the day off) and this very large woman immediately screams at him, "You need to control your wife!" First of all, no one controls anyone in our marriage. If your husband controls you, than that's sad. Josh replies, "I don't need to control anyone, you need to get control of your kid." I get to the door and ask if there is a problem.

She looks at me and clasps her hands together, "Don't ever yell at my son again! He's THREE!" Jesus Christ on a cracker! I try to explain, "I never yelled at your son. I told him to not touch our things then told him not to come on our porch again."

She then goes on to defend herself. "I was sitting in the backyard and saw you yell at him." Our backyards face each other and she says she saw everything from her back patio. "He was just coming over to get his backpack that was at [the neighbor girl's house]."

"If you were watching your son, why didn't you yell over to him to not touch our things and come back home if he was just going to get his backpack?" I asked.

"Because I didn't know you were yelling at my son. I thought you were yelling at some other little kid." She says.

Hmm. I ponder this for a moment. "If you were watching him, then wouldn't you have known it was your son I was TALKING, not yelling at? Your story is going round and round."

"Don't yell at my son again! He's three!" was her only response.

"Maybe you shouldn't let your son go unsupervised to the next block at the age of three!"

"Do I need to call base police?" She asks.

"Uh, go ahead. You're in the wrong. Do I need to call the Child Protective Services?" I say.

"Don't yell at my son again! He's three!" She says going back to her only defense.

At this point every time she says this, Josh tells her I never yelled. He heard everything when I talked to the little boy. Josh goes on to say I would never yell at a little kid like that.

"Yeah right!" She retorts. "We know all about her! Everyone in the neighborhood knows about her." The way she said this was just so immature. I was shocked to hear an adult talking like that.

Josh and I in unison, "What are you talking about?!"

"We all sit out here and talk. She's never out here. We know all about her." She says. The "we" she's referring to is herself and my next door neighbor who we share a carport with. I find it so sad, the life of a gossiper. What's the point? I've encountered many in my day and they all tend to have quite a closet full of skeletons. Which is why they gossip and start trouble, I guess. To get the attention off them.

"If I'm never out here, then how do you know anything about me?" I asked seriously confused.

"We know he does everything," she says, pointing to Josh, "and you do nothing."

I sure do lots of nothing around here. Yep, Josh does everything when he's not at work or school or volunteer security duty or giving music lessons. I do nothing. She has me all figured out. What the fuck bitch? He's hardly ever home! How are my children clothed and fed? How do we have dishes to eat off or clothes to wear? Maybe because of the magic fairy that lives in my house that does everything when Josh isn't doing it?

I stood dumbfounded. "Um, you're really overweight. How much do you do?" Yes. I went there. I know I have my issues with weight, but I'm not huffing out of breath by having a conversation and accusing other people of being lazy.

She starts to get in my face but Josh got in front of her and instructs her to leave. She pokes her head out behind Josh, her triple chins wobbling, "I was born with a birth defect that makes me overweight." Uh, yeah. Ok. I had no idea there was a birth defect that made you addicted to Cheetos. I wonder if she is qualifies for a handicap sticker for her car? I say, "Well it must not help it sitting on your ass all day smoking then."

Josh starts to guide her off our porch by walking towards her causing her to backup all the while grasping at straws trying to prove herself right. "My husband out ranks you!" she tells Josh. Come to find out he's only two ranks above Josh. Josh has close friends that are the same rank as her husband. Plus, it doesn't matter what anyone's rank is. We're in a living situation, we're not on a ship.

Now, Josh has had extensive training in security recently as he has volunteered to be security for the base. It's ingrained in him on how to diffuse a situation. As he's walking behind her she suddenly turns around and Josh touches the tips of his index and middle finger to her shoulder to have her turn back around and leave. She yells, "Don't touch me!" Then screams for her husband. "TERRY! HE'S TOUCHING ME!" in the most whiniest voice I've ever heard an adult have. I walk out of the door frame and and yell, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" All the while Josh is repeating "Get off of our property. Leave now." He told me later that at one point he looked her dead in the eye and whispered, "You're being a bitch. Leave now!" Her husband never showed up.

Before I go on, I need to let you know that Josh doesn't call women names like that willy nilly. If you don't know Josh, then you have no idea how much of a sensitive man he is. Sensitive in a way where he is compassionate for other people not sensitive in a way where he cries at Lifetime movies. He's a good, honest man.

She then finally leaves with her three hundred plus frame sauntering off and singsonging in a baby voice, "Aww, too hard to face reality, huh?"

I holler out, "My, my, so much maturity. You're such an awesome role model for your THREE year old."

Josh comes back inside and we are fuming mad. He decided to go to housing and tell them that we want to move. Apparently the neighbors are watching my every move and if my husband had not have been home, I honestly think she would have hit me. It's true, I don't go out much. I don't sit on my ass all day and chit chat with the neighbors because I sort of have this thing I have to do called PARENTING! That's great that they have a bond but while they're chain smoking and spending all their time talking about what I'm up to, their young children are running around unsupervised. I'd rather be hanging out with my kids and doing crafts with them and teaching them their ABC's. I don't recall ever seeing them at the park, although I do see their children there all the time. I spend more quality time with their kids then they do. I think the proof is in the fact that my two year old speaks in full sentences and clearly while no one can understand my next door neighbor's five year old when she speaks.

On Josh's way to talk to housing he drives by the woman's house to get their address. He sees three patrol cars there and cops talking to the woman and her husband. He stops and gets out and walks up to one of the officers and says, "I'm pretty sure this is about me." They have him write a statement. He tells them, "I'm pretty verbose and have my favorite pen with me. Do you have extra paper?" He of course knew all of the officers since he's in security.

Josh finds out that that little boy wasn't even her son. She's babysitting him. She kept referring to him as her son so that's one strike showing she's a deceitful person. Josh learns that there is no way she could have witnessed my exchange with the little boy. The security officer says he can not see our driveway from her vantage point. I tried it out for myself and stood in the spot I was in when it happened and I couldn't see her backyard. Her husband said he saw the whole thing between his wife and us. Obviously he was lying since it all happened in front of our front door where we can't even see our backyard let alone the backyard behind it. That's two strikes. AND... It turns out she wasn't even babysitting the little boy at the time. My next door neighbor was doing her a favor and watching him. So most likely she didn't see or hear anything that went on between me and the little boy. Which is why it took her so long to come confront us. That would be your third strike. You're out bitch!

One of the officers came to our house to get my statement. He let me know that no crime was committed and she was in the wrong by trespassing and coming over in an aggressive manner. They said Josh could have decked her and they wouldn't have been able to do anything since it would have been self defense. Ha! So basically she called the cops on herself.

Josh finally goes to the housing office to request a move so we wouldn't have to share a carport with these people anymore. (Hopefully into the new huge single family homes with garages that were just built on the other side of the base.) They said the new housing already has a waiting list but the head housing guy who is a government contractor which allows him to have a base house says that his neighbor just moved and we would be welcome to move there. We thought about it for a bit until we found it it was right across the street from the woman who was born to be fat.

The funny thing is the head housing guy had already heard of the whole debacle before Josh got there. He saw all the patrol cars at her house and called in to ask why security was there. He told Josh that those people along with our neighbors are weird. He apologized and let us know that I have nothing to worry about. "The whole neighborhood" that talks about me consists of that lady and my neighbor. He told us that he could possibly fix the situation. I don't know though. I just bought address labels.

Josh also spoke with our next door neighbor. He's always been friendly with the husband. He found out that the horrible lady with a fat birth defect, is the epitome of trash. The only reason she's friends with my neighbor is because she heard my neighbor had broken her leg and figured she must have some good opiates which she begged off her. Josh also found out that she starts shit with all of her neighbors and she cheats on her husband when he's out of town on work. Oh, and her husband who she called for when Josh barely breathed on her, doesn't want to get involved at all. It doesn't say much about your character if your own husband won't run to your defense if you scream out that another man is touching you. It doesn't really speak well of him either. Unless he knows she's being dramatic and he's sick of it.

It's hard for me to stay mad when I'm clearly dealing with an unstable person. Now that I know I'm allowed to hit the bitch if she comes to our door again, I'll be answering the door ready to rumble. Although, I won't be answering the door if Josh isn't home. I really wouldn't feel safe. Did I mention that the entire time she was getting in my face, I was holding Gavin. Luckily Maggie was taking a nap and didn't have to witness this.

I just want to state that I'm not a confrontational person. I stick up for myself and my loved ones only when I need to. Most shit I let roll off my back. I hate drama. I stay far away from it but when it comes to my front door, I have no choice but to react. I'm thinking of getting a retaining order against her. I don't know though. I'm going to sleep on it. Sleep on it in my heavily locked up house.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. I feel so much better now that I got it all out.

Comments

[AndreAnna]

You're a bigger (figuratively) person than me.

[Mother Hoodwink]

Oh, trust me, AndreAnna, if Gavin hadn't of been right there watching the whole thing, I would have gotten straight up ghetto.

[Kerry]

THIS...is why why we're going to live off base in Japan. And probably every other duty station we ever go to.
What I would do, is carefully document EVERY SINGLE TIME they let their children run around unsupervised. Because in the housing where I live (and probably for you, too) - unsupervised children is a violation of the term of the lease. Seriously, read your lease agreement to refresh your memory about all of the things you're not supposed to do, spend about 2 or 3 weeks documenting every time they break one of those rules, and then report them. So instead of YOU moving, THEY get kicked out.
And call Fleet and Family Support, too. A little less drastic than CPS, but still effective.

[Mother Hoodwink]

Actually, funny you say that, Kerry. The head guy at housing told us to call his cell every time something happens. No matter how small we think it is or what time. Ironically enough, our next door neighbor is scheduled to go in tomorrow to sign his lease for another year. The housing people say they get complaints about them all the time. Looks like the whole neighborhood is talking about them and not me.

If I could have it my way, I would want them to move because you know what? As annoying as it can be, living on base is a privilege. At least here. We get housing allowance for around a grand a month and get a three bedroom, two bath house, large fenced in yard that we don't have to mow and pay no utilities. Plus the fact that you have to pass a security check to get on base. Something we could NEVER get off base for a grand a month.

I felt safe living here and quite honestly, I don't now.

Hopefully both of them get transferred or kicked out soon. Blah.

[Sunshine]

OMG! I read the whole thing!
I think my blood pressure was going up just reading that, I hate confrontations like that. Eww...

If I had to deal with that regularly, I would totally move if that was an option. Eliminate the freaks from your routine. Oy.

[Kathy Jimenez]

i read the whole thing too! :-)

i totally know the feeling of that situation even if it wasn't that situation exactly. BRUTAL. and it's hard to not feel dragged down by the whole thing. some people LIVE to cause trouble.

[Mother Hoodwink]

Sunshine, my blood pressure has been high all day long. I can't stop thinking about it.

Kathy, I do feel feel dragged down by the whole thing, but I feel stupid for stooping to her level and pointing out her weight. I wish she hadn't of got the best of me and Josh and I could have just stayed calm while giving her weird looks and telling her calmly that she's acting very immature. I know that would have pissed her off even more and it wouldn't have made me look as bad as her.