In my last bulleted post, I mentioned my in-laws.
My in-laws and I have had a grueling relationship from the very start. Josh and I started dating in high school. It got serious fairly quickly. We had already been good friends for a few years before we started dating so our relationship bypassed that "getting to know you" phase and into the "We're totally in love and never want to be apart" phase instantly. Like any other sixteen year old, Josh wanted to hang out with his girlfriend more than his parents. Basically they hated me for taking their oldest child away from them. They called me wretched names, said my mother was a slut and we lived in "Slutsville" (We lived in a much better neighborhood than them and my mother is the farthest thing from a slut. In fact she's almost a nun.) and said I was a bad influence. This was all before they even met me.
They are the reason we eloped. Josh didn't want to hear them run their mouths about me when he told them we wanted to marry.
We went through four years of marriage before we had to cut them out of our lives. Four years of snide remarks and cruel actions by them.
Everything imploded when Gavin was born. They wanted to stay with us a full two weeks after he was born. You know, "to help." I'm not an invalid. I do believe changing diapers, breastfeeding and taking care of household chores are in my realm of capabilities. Add in that my husband is a very involved father and I'd say we didn't need any help from them at all.
They basically wanted us to give them the perfect grandparent experience. They got mad when we said we told them the second week wouldn't be necessary. We just wanted time alone with our new son to get to know him and the opportunity to learn how to be parents without anyone over our shoulders telling us how to do something. Time alone to allow me to heal from my c-section without my father in-law calling me bossy and lazy because I asked my husband to change the baby's diaper since I was in a lot of pain. Time alone so I could learn how to breastfeed without my in-laws giving their two cents about lactation consultants being a joke and how incompetent of a woman I was because I was having trouble with it.
When something bothers me I talk. I can't "dig a hole and bury it" as my Mother in-law always suggested we do. I have to confront the person I have an issue with and get it all out. Well I confronted my in-laws, it didn't help. Although I had my mom, sisters and my very good friend, Kerry, to vent to, (A lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure Kerry hasn't even made it this far in reading this post since I know she's sick of hearing about these assholes.) I still didn't feel good. So I submitted a few pieces to M-I-L-D-E-W (Mother In Laws Do Everything Wrong)
You can read them here:
One Two Three Four Five Six
The site is on hiatus right now because of the lack of submissions. If you have any stories, then send them in. They're always posted anonymously.
The reason I've decided to get rid of pseudonames is because I don't care if they find me again. My father-in-law found my old site and would visit an asinine 20 times a day. I wish I were exaggerating. I changed sites and am pretty sure they aren't reading here. If they do find themselves here, at least they can read all of my thoughts about them.
Maybe we'll finally get an apology for all the shit they've pulled. For all the mean things they've said but more importantly, my father-in-law's denial of my son. He flat out refused to hold Gavin when he was two months old because he was never going to see him so he didn't want to "get attached." That was the last time Gavin has ever been in their presence. If that were said to Gavin today, he would understand it. He would realize that his grandfather didn't want to even look at him, let alone hug him. I doubt we'll get that apology though. My father-in-law has every single trait of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Right down to having a submissive spouse who never questions him. He'll never admit he was wrong. That he hurts people with his words and actions.
I want to be a better person because of my involvement with them. I want to prove to myself that I can forgive. But I can't. Not yet. My disdain for them is as fierce as it ever has been. I keep harboring this strong dislike for them. I hate the things they have said and done. The feelings of inadequateness they gave me. I want to just forget the whole thing.
I wasn't brought up in a family like theirs. They cut family out of their lives all the time. Josh doesn't even know his three aunts on his dad's side. He can't even name them. That's incredibly sad to me. Sure families fight, but you get over it and remember that you love each other at the end of the day.
I guess the reason I'm writing this is to try to heal from this whole experience. That and since I started using our real names, when they're Googled, my site comes up. I just don't want my egotistical father-in-law to find this and think his presence here is unnoticed. I'll know if he's here.
This is going to be my last time talking about these people. I think I'll be submitting a few more pieces to MILDEW and I'll link them here when they're published, but as of right now, this is my site about my life. Since they're not in my life, then they don't belong here.
